Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
