i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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