i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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