I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
