There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
