If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
