i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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