3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
