a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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