I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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