you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
