also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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