We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
