he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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