I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
