capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
