I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
