So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
