Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
