He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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