Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
