yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
