Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Houston, we have a squirter
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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