ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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