Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
