Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
