you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
