She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
