do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
