I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
