Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Operation Purity has been aborted
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
