just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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