I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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