You can't special order awesome
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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