if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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