Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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