I have demons in me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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