All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
