i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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