I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
