Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
