we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
