Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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