to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So squirting runs in the family.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
