I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
