We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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