I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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