just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
