Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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