so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
