how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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